Self Reflection: Interpersonal Communication Problems

This incident happened a few years ago and it has made me more aware of someone's verbal and non-verbal cues ever since. Due to confidentiality, I will address her as Jeyna in this post.

Jeyna and I were best friends in secondary school and it has always been that way up till my third year in polytechnic. Being in different polytechnics, it was difficult to match our schedules as both of us had many commitments. We needed to juggle between school, CCA and our part-time work. The same year, Jeyna also had her first boyfriend. Perhaps because of our varying priorities, we started to drift apart.

Few months later, Jeyna called me out of the blue and asked if I was free one day to meet her. Judging from the tone of her voice, it sounded pretty serious. I decided I would set some time aside to catch up with my old best friend. When I walked in the coffee place that we decided to meet at, I almost could not recognise her. She looked so... different, but I cannot quite put it into words what was the difference. That was when she told me her boyfriend had cheated on her.

I did not know what to do except offer words of condolences. When it was time to leave, I offered to stay with her until she felt better. However, Jeyna told me not to worry about her and go ahead with my evening plans. Even though I felt bad to leave her alone, but I brushed it off, thinking that she might just need some time alone.

That night when I got home, my mother told me that Jeyna was admitted to the hospital for drug overdose. She had tried to take her own life. I was guilt-ridden and ashamed of myself because I knew I could have done something if I had been more observant of her verbal and non-verbal cues. Although she did forgive me after that incident, I have learnt to be more aware of someone's verbal communication.

Commented on:
1. Rachael
2. Farhan
3. Samcoldz

Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneFebruary 22, 2018 at 7:14 PM

    Thanks for sharing this scenario, Pei Qi. In part, the description is of an interpersonal communication problem, but I wonder if you could tweak that description so that your peer readers might be asked to give you feedback in terms of how you might have acted to resolve any relevant interpersonal communication conflict.

    Please see the last example written by a student in the reflection unit to get a better idea of what is required.

    We're looking for proposed solutions from your peers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jaren LeeFebruary 27, 2018 at 6:54 PM

    Dear Pei Qi,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. It was indeed traumatising situation especially when it involves a very close friend. I think you should not beat yourself too much about it as you were unable to grasp her situation and condition in that short catch up session.

    The downside of non-verbal communication is that it can be ambiguous hence the message sent may not be clear. Your friend could have held back any form of disclosure in order not to trouble you, her old best friend with her problems. Going forward, recovery is essential hence a follow-up verbal communication can help to speed up and clarify the situation which I m believe you did and she forgive you.

    Thank you.

    Regards,
    Jaren Lee

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownFebruary 28, 2018 at 12:13 AM

    Hi Wonderho,

    You can perhaps adopt the collaborative resolution for future problems where you can identify the problem, roots causes and create a mutual solution. In that situation where you felt that there was a serious problem with Jeyna, i feel that you should insist on being around here and ask her to share about it since you guys are best friends. You could have prompted her more in depth on the causes and provided constructive solutions for her.

    On the positive side, i was impressed that you actually put in the effort to ask her about her problems and offered to stay with her. You would make a wonderful friend!


    Love you,
    Samuel & Gerald

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownFebruary 28, 2018 at 12:31 AM

    Hi Peiqi,

    I'm sorry to hear that your friend Jeyna was admitted to the hospital but I hope she is doing well and treasuring her life now.

    I think during times like these, people will tend to say they're ok even when they're not. A solution that I can think of is putting yourself in her shoes and taking actions which you might appreciate if you were her.

    But nonetheless, I believe you're an amazing friend and I'm grateful to be yours!

    Loving you always,
    Rachael

    ReplyDelete

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